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My Random Story~

The classroom is warm and soft. It gives you the same feeling as your soft bed does in the morning. Today this classroom is my refuge. It’s one of the old classrooms with old desks and chairs, and an old teachers desk, which reminds me of old Hollywood teen-movies. It’s lunchtime and I’m thankful to whichever teacher didn’t lock this class before leaving. It’s silent, relaxing and outside in the sky, the clouds, which are looming over and blocking the sun look like old wool. Sitting, or rather, lying by myself at lunch is much better than being swarmed by loud and obnoxious girls, who have little else to talk about other than boys and ‘who did who’. None of the girls at this school really understand me. They seem too self absorbed to really give you a chance. This school has been my home for three weeks now and I still don’t have a group, or friends I can have talks with in class. All my real friends don’t go to this school. Some had already finished school and have their own lives now, but we all still get together once a week or every fortnight at someone’s house. We used to have a band going, but it got too hard for the seniors with the exams and studying. Even though we were juniors and middle schoolers, we understood them and said that once we all graduate and have steady jobs, we’d start again. I was one of the guitarists and the only girl in the band. The band didn’t have a name. It was just ‘the band’. As I was lying down, looking at the sky, resting one hand behind my head and the other on my stomach, I became very nostalgic. The good times we had on the rooftop, the times we skipped out of school and went to our favourite café, the study sessions we’d have at our seniors house. It was all dearly missed. It’s funny that we still call them the seniors and they still call us the juniors, even though now they are either working or go to university, and we’re the seniors now. I pull my hand over my head so that I can see what is written on it. On the back of my hand in thick black texta is written; ‘DON’T BE FOOLED!’ Yes. I can’t be fooled today. Not like last year. They know that today is the day I hate the most. 21^st of June. My 18^th birthday. Birthdays are pushed on us like homework. My theory is that you’ve got to do it, but not everyone enjoys it or does well in it. Yes, today is my birthday. I must not be fooled. The bell for us to go in goes off. I wonder if anyone would notice if I just stayed here and not go to class. Probably not. Then I remember roll call and I get up. This school is so different to my old one. My books and stationary are not bought by me. My textbooks are given to me as hand-me-downs form the seniors and are graffiteed with conversations and funny pictured everywhere. I don’t mind. It gives me something to do in class as the monotone androids try to convert us into one of them. My books and pens were Christmas presents from my friend, each one with its personal message from one of them, which I love. What I didn’t love is their selection of style of the stationary. They are all pink and yellow, or soft and fluffy. My friends are afraid that they’ve stolen my femininity when I became their friend. Which isn’t true. I’m pretty girly; I wear skirts and do my hair and make-up. I’m just not the type of girl who goes to parties, gets drunk and wakes up in the back of some guy’s car looking for her underwear. Though thanks to the ‘get-up’ that they’ve set me up with at school, I get pretty odd glances from the other students. They seem to think I can’t handle a normal BIC pen.

As the androids murmur their non-human language at us, I flip through my workbook and find little notes that have been scribbled in from the last time I saw them. Note-to-self: Don’t bring your bag with you next time you go out with them. Leave it in the car. The last class was spent just the same as the one before it. It was me trying to hold my laughter in and biting my lips so I wouldn’t smile like the idiot that I am. When I was finally out of class I dawdled to my locker to grab my bag and took my time to get out of school. My feet were dragging themselves trying not to walk to the beat of the music in my ears. Once I was inches from the exit I stopped mid-step, making the girl behind me almost double over me. But I didn’t care because I was too busy looking at the horror in front of me. There, just outside the gates of my females-only prison, were my friends, waiting for me. I took the time to look at the back of my hand. Don’t get fooled! Sounds easy. But because I know them, I know it’s not. I’m still standing there, not wanting to go out. Suddenly this prison is looking more and more like an oasis. Then one of them, the youngest of them, walks up to me. He moves his hands to my ears and flicks his fingers to remove my headphones.

“Hi SunHee. Happy birthday slow poke!” Jay says sweetly. Then he gives me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. Jay is a year older than me but likes to act younger. He has the cute face of a boy and the toned body of a man. He tries to get muscles like some of the seniors but something about his body type wont let him. Though his definition suits him more than a six-pack would. He turns around and is about to pull me along the awaiting group but he looks at them and laughs.

“Doesn’t it look odd?” He nods in their direction. I look at their surroundings and find myself laughing too. They were like the odd ones out. Surrounded by girls in matching uniforms, parents’ in big 4WD waiting for their daughters, and busses filled up until the weight makes it lower a few good inches. It’s as if they went to a dress up party and no one told them the theme. With the little bit of comedy relief in this little horror scene, I finally scrounge up the courage to walk to them. Jay was pulling me by the hand like a little boy dragging his mummy in a toy store.

“Happy birthday SunHee!” They all said in unison. That was right before they gathered around me like sharks circling its prey, and the group hugged and kissed me. As much as I was used to this treatment I could feel my blush creeping up my neck to cover my cheeks.

“Aww~ She’s blushing!” EunHae was the outrageous player of the group. He was a bit strange with everything and as much as he was a player, we all have a feeling he only plays with boys. Not that he brought boys home, but as much as he liked to toy with girls’ minds, we’ve never seen him with a girlfriend. EunHae was one of the seniors, second oldest to be exact. He had the kind of face that if you dressed him up as a girl, he’d be the centre of attention in beauty contests. But in his usual-like self, he’d make many girls offer their free time. I place my hands on my cheeks and feel them burning under my cold hands. I stick my tongue out and get scolded by Beast.

“Don’t stick out your tongue!” Beast or B as we call him is the oldest one of the cronies. We call him Beast because he aced all his tests, exams and SAC’s from the first day he entered high school, and didn’t even need to try. He was also the leader of our band with a great fan club. There’s also another reason we call him ‘B’. It’s because he chooses to shave all his hair off. I’ve never seen his hair longer than half a pinkie, and that was once when we dares him not to shave it. B is an apprenticeship lawyer and looks like he should be a model on the cover of a men’s health magazine. Out of all four men here he was the manliest in muscle size.

I smiled up at them and asked; “So, what brings you here on this chilly afternoon?” I asked innocently. Remember don’t get fooled. Don’t go anywhere with them.

“It’s our girls birthday. How can we not come and say hello?” YoungMin, the most normal out of all of them, said. He ruffled my hair. I pat my hair down and tried to find an excuse to leave them. I started rubbing my thumb over the bold black writing on my hand. I pressed just a little too hard so that I didn’t get sucked into their scheme. EunHae saw me touching my hand and grabbed it quickly. He pulled in my hand and stretched it as he could.

“Don’t be fooled!” He read out loudly. “What do you mean ‘don’t be fooled?’ Who could possibly fool such a vixen like you? They must be very suave and beautiful.” EunHae said. I tried to pull my hand but failed as they swarmed around me again. They started to grab at my hand as if it was feeding time in the lions den. They looked at my hand and laughed.

“Wouldn’t it be hard to fool you?” YoungMin asked. I just kept on scowling at them. I pulled my hand back.

“Okay, thanks for the greeting, but you can go now.” I said quietly. My head was down, looking at the floor. I felt guilty for telling them to leave when they came to wish me a happy birthday. The patterns of the little rocks on the ground made odd shaped with each other. Not looking at the men before me, I played with the rocks. Swerving them around with my foot.

Then in a low voice and my head hanging low; “ I have to go home, you should too.” My words stung me probably as much as they were hurt. They knew that my birthday was a cursed day and that to try and see me happy today would be hard. Many bad fortunes happed on this day in the past years. They all know this because they have played part in some misfortunes. My head lifts up a little and my eyes skim their faces. I was surprised when their sad faces held sweet smiles. YoungMin grabbed my face gently to bring it up.

“Come on, we’ll take you home.” YoungMin’s voice didn’t sound angry. He sounded sympathetic and understanding. I nodded my head and they put their arms around me, leading me to the car. They sat me in the front seat nest to B who was driving. Out of all of them Beast was the one I trusted the most when driving. They were all talking happily to each other. I faked a smile trying to match theirs. I thought of it as a drive with my friends. They were the ones that I was closest to. I had no one else. I lived with some of my parents’ friends. They left me alone most of the time and let me do what I wanted. My parents weren’t in this world anymore. Today is also the anniversary of their death.

Once we got on the main road I felt two hands on my shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” I asked in surprise. Then they put soft cotton fabric over my eyes. “Wait! What?” I struggled and tried to free myself but they held me down.

“We knew this would happen.” Jay said in his cute voice. I could feel EunHae’s warm arms around me. Stopping me from taking the blindfold off. “ If you don’t move we’ll let you go.” Jay said, it was odd hearing a threat coming from such a cute child, or adult really.

“Okay, okay. I won’t take it off.” They let me go and I stayed cal. We listened to my favourite music that they had downloaded, even some of the songs bands that they really disliked. After an hour or so they put a warm, fluffy scarf around my neck, tying it at the back of my neck. I felt the car stopping and the lulling of Miyavi singing ‘Hitoshi Hito.’ Car doors opened and a small gust of wind touched my skin, sending shivers through me. A second later my door was opened and a hand pulled me out. Hands and voices guided me forward and around to what felt like an open area. I heard them all stop. Someone put their hands on my shoulder and pushed me forward.

“You can take the blindfold off now.” Beast said in his usual stern voice but I could hear the tinge of warmth through it. I gripped the sash; I braced my eyes for whatever they had planned. I pulled the sash down and what I saw wasn’t what I expected. Soft white snow was covering the whole landscape. This is what I wanted. Snow on my birthday. The only good surprise that I could have gotten was this. While beautiful snowflakes were falling around me, I took a step forward and the crisp flakes crunched under my school shoes. While I looked around I dropped the blind old, letting it fall to the ground. I was mesmerised by the quiet beauty of it. I heard people walking up behind me.

“Thank you.” A small tear fell to my cheeks. In unison they all whispered to me.

“Happy Birthday SunHee.”

Not Sure~

I was happy for a little while there.

Did you notice? But I’ll try and stay happy. No Actually I’ll try and stay happier!

Nothing has changed much. Now I’m going to try harder.

There are a million things that I’ll perfect because I hate myself at this point in time. But I can help but feel like it’s not really all my fault. Maybe it was.

Maybe I was the one that didn’t do the right thing.

In the end I was right. This could never be~ Whatever ‘this’ is –or was for that matter-

Now I’m left to sitting on the bus and forgetting to get off until I’m at the end of the line… It’s become comforting now though. So I continue to do it.

There are so many things that I warned you about that are now my fault. But they shouldn’t be just my fault. YOU didn’t listen to me when I warned you and me.

Now we’re in this mess and I’m oddly fine about it. I wish we could be friends again and just muck around and swear to ourselves that we’ll only ever be friends and if we start having deeper feelings for the other we have to stop it immediately. Then once we’re back to having normal mutual friendship feelings for each other we can continue.

This is so naïve of me~ Nothing really works like that. I try to work like that but most of the time people think I’m too conventional and end up disliking me.

Anyway, this silly drabble is going to be kept short.

Sorry for not putting up a proper post but I really needed to write this out.

Xoxo AFTVH