Winter

I've wasted my favourite season.Though spending it like last winter would be a problem.

I would have liked to sit by my precious Yuki and write stories with tea.

Now that I'm sitting here sitting by Yuki, writing and scavenging for some tea bags, I realise what I want.

Though it's all mixed up. It would be nice if my 'want list' would suddenly put itself into order. It doesn't matter if it boys or school choices.

Just put yourself into order.

Quickly.

So them I know what to do with myself.

I'm so afraid of it all though~ How am I meant to continue if everyone and everything tells me that I wont make it?

Shouldn't people meant to encourage me? Not just say:

"You're crashing again... I don't think this time you'll pull through it."

Or

"You're fine! You've never had a problem in your life."

They both are two extremes. It's like in Donnie Darko... There isn't just black and white. The grey in between counts so much more sometimes.

Everything that helped stable myself is falling apart around me and I don't know how to help them.

~ I'm not too sure

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why have you stopped?

I understand now.

Nothing is left to stir... Or settle.

Kimi Ni Negai Wo By Miyavi

x AFTVH ♡

It started with a kiss ☆

It started with a kiss ☆

It wasn't sweet or chaste. It had no love or lust, just pure want of the thrill.

It was too long ago to remember the feel of it. Though I will always remember the events.

It was the beginning of the unravelling and the creation of something evil.

Something that would create havoc in the lives surrounding. 

Sure it was just a test of innocence, but the test was failed and with the failure it became the cross to bear for a life time.

Leaving a feel of...

Ever since those nights, I have stopped caring for self respect. 

Now I wish I did.

With all my heart I wish I wasn't me.

To be anyone but me would be a weight lifted from my shoulders. 

That is why I will leave this all behind one day.

When I have the money and the ability to leave...

I will make a disappearing act. 

Then I'll be free, and alone.

Finally. 

☆AntidoteForTheViolentHills ☆

Another post With sweet nothing

I feel sick.

My stomach is burning and my eyes keep blurring up.

Why is everything so confusing.

Most importantly though; why don't I care?

I'm glad I force myself to write in here and my diary.

I'll one day read back and see where I went wrong.

Even if it pains me to write these things anywhere.

Because I can't write.

And I know one day my secrets that I've written will become unravelled.

Not so much in my blog.

But my diary holds secrets that shouldn't be secrets.

They should be fantasy. 

But life has betrayed me.

Life has made it reality.

My life is like a children's story book.

Only everything is backwards. 

Nothing is right like in the books.

This has been another post from yours truly,

                      

                            .x AntidoteForTheViolentHills 

Christmas is kinda an eye opener.

Hello.
Today I woke up to the ringing of my phone. It seems that Christmas has come early.
One of my dearest friends gave me an early Christmas present. I don’t know how but she found out that I have a current obsession with the HaraJuku perfume. Dearest. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful present. The card you gave me a few weeks ago was also very touching. You seem to have a way with words. Every time you write to me, you make me feel like I’m something so special.

Like someone needs me. If I knew that you would have needed me in the future, I would have never have done the action I did, and tried what I have. I would have been a person that isn’t as ashamed by herself. Someone that doesn’t look at others and wish for them to always be innocent and naïve. Someone that doesn’t feel like a 30 year old by the way she talks and acts when normal.

Don’t get me wrong, I still do stupid and wreckless things, but those are done when I’m excited or really energised. In truth I hate the way I am, what I am and what I’ve done.
Moving right along from the depressing post… Here is the perfume that I am the proud owner of:

HARAJUKU LOVE  

Merry Christmas everyone and a Happy New Year. Even if it is a little late

Well I must go now... 

Enjoy the Holidays :3

XX AntidoteForTheViolentHills